life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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