I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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