Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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