Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize