I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
