your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
