True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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