If that was your dad, he is hot
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Someone came in the potted fern
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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