DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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