It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
