So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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