somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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