My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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