i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
