Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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