I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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