Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
