Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sorry about my life...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
