If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
