Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
