I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
