Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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