I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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