When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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