You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
