I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I understand Curling. That high.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize