Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize