I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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