she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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