Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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