You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Damn victory sex feels great
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