we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
