Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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