The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
