girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
