Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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