uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
