Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
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i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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