Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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