Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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