What a fucking waste of an outfit
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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