I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
