I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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