Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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