I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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