I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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