I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
