bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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