Porn is love you can see.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
