she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
