Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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