Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
