Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
