Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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