There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
