david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
