I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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