i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
