Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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